Well. I’m wide awake, once again. What else is new? I never seem to sleep much these days. Not even when I try. I feel weird lately. Happy, very happy as a matter of fact. But it’s a fake happy. Deep down, something is killing me. It’s tearing me apart from the inside out. I just don’t know what this thing is. I keep fucking up. And fixing things. And fucking up. And fixing things. Never ending cycle. Being optimistic is hard, but I am trying. Everything is going my way lately, and everything sucks though. Does that even make sense? No? Didn’t think so. I want someone to share it with. I want a great guy or great friends or a great family. Not all of the above, but just one would be nice. And I wish Ryan was different. And I wish I was skinnier. And I wish I had a job and a car and I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Time to lay in the dark listening to Bright Eyes, as always…

It’s late and this was incoherent. Whatever.